Saturday, June 26, 2004

prose: current interest

nowadays the paradoxical is very cool.

take for example : "i am a liar"

the statement cannot be true. because, if it's true, then he cannot be lying. so he is lying that he is a liar. If it's not true, then he is still lying, because he is saying an untruth.

like the end is the beginning is the end is the beginning is the end (from smashing pumpkins)

like a museum for commemorating death that celebrates life. how ironic.

enjoy this.

Friday, June 25, 2004

poem: sleep

the next one in the "Oh" series.

sleep

Oh! What I'd do
for forty winks

the joy of dreams
food for the longing.

prose: my missing piece

i used to ponder why is it that i choose (is it really choice or is this just a consolation to myself, still remains a mystery till this day)to remain single for so long. maybe because i'm surrounded with so many groups of friends. i call them 'crowds'. what i lack from one 'crowd' i harvest from another. in time i will be completed myself.

i gather from all around me, things that nourish and make me grow. Things that support me. I turn to them

for emotional support
for intellectual stimulation
for spiritual guidance
for familiarity of environment
for a confidante
for encouragement
for loyalty
for competition
for a secured relationship
for insults
for physical affections
for sexual intercourse
for meaningful conversations
for quality time
for warm embraces
for shared interests
for opposing opinions
for a mentor/patronage
for precedence
for example
for envious remarks
for assuring praises
for reality counter-checking
for financial assistance
for a chaperone
for marriage counselling
for recreational activities
for constructive criticisms
for transportation
for enlightenment
for verbal knowledge
for visual delight

I think, that it is unfair to expect so much from a single person.














I think, or to be more exact, i re-think, that with love, you can actually get from a single person,
all of the above.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

poem : dunes

This is one of the poems in the "Oh!" series.

dunes

Oh! Were I that piece of polyester
to touch that dune of flesh
you wear on your desert chest

Calm! My heaving breath.

Monday, June 21, 2004

poem: suffocrat

suffocrat

I shall not gasp for air
even when my nostrils
are filled with raging currents

I shall catch a trout
and suck its gills
so i can breathe
and still keep my hands
and feet
and lungs.

play: Night out at Jubillee

I wrote this after i read Twelfth Night. Such an influence! This is my take on Shakespeare (i am not even close to being close!), depicting a snippet of an ancient but fond memory imbedded at the back of my head. This piece shall be revised for the better.

Scene 4 (part of): At the junction near the State Mosque, night time. The junction is illuminated by a lampost, with the mosque barely visible amidst trees.

Cast:(Sebastian, Viola, Sir Andrew)

Sebastian (to Voila):
That bag thou bear might usher thee the night’s spirit away.

Sir Andrew (chiding in, valiantly):
If I could help it not. Come, let me bear thy burden, lest thy spirit it take not.

Viola (carrying an apparently heavy bag):
Nay! This burden is naught for thee to bear, for this bag I give, I
give also my heart. Thus let the bearer of my love bear also the burden of this bag.

Sebastian (taking the bag from Voila):
Then let this bearer of thy love bear also thy burden.
Hand me thy heart.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

poem : revelation

revelation

i'm treading on burning charcoal
this game i'm playing
a two-way sword

but lure i must
the fox to the snare
let all be bare

off with that false hide!

prose: the quaint and the bombastic

Dear Pam(ela),
(poster girl for the anti-development coalition)

I have just returned from a very relaxing holiday in Pulau Perhentian. The place was nice, with crystal clear waters and white sands, something of a rarity when the case is water in its natural context.

Our accommodation was a low key, laid-back affair, hut style structures with thatched roofs or ‘touch-the-earth-lightly’ cabin-like structures. In this pristine environment and maybe one of the few surviving earthly paradise such attitudes of not replacing anything, of leaving things as they were, are the most desirable. Such high value is this masterpiece of God, as if a single stroke of men’s brush, no matter how tiny a speck it is, would disrupt the beauty of it.

A different scenario greeted us when we ventured to the other side of the beach. A permanent, heavy, concrete structure stands in all the shallow grandeur of a so-called ‘upper-class’ establishment. This bit of paradise raped by a bulky foreign body. All in the name of ‘development’, or ‘proper design’, or even - ‘design’.

In Petaling Street, Kuala Lumpur the ad-hoc nature of the stalls (though it is dictated by the needs of the hawkers), the myriads of sights and sounds, sometimes pleasant, sometimes repulsive, nevertheless rich, all contributing to the spontaneity and immediacy of the place, which makes it attractive in the first place, is ‘improvised’ by means of a paved walkway and a tensile roof that incidentally veiled a part of the façade, and sometimes can prove to be dauntingly hot.

Another street that has gone through a similar situation is Campbell Street, where the paved street reduces the once bustling thoroughfare (and foreseen by the authorities-that-be to have commercial potential) to a dry environment, where the pedestrian actually seldom walks by anymore, because the seemingly neat paving deters hawkers from doing business there. Thus the street is deprived of pasembor stalls, cendol stalls, cobblers, ottu kedais – street activities that liven up the local streets of Penang. Such delight it is to stumble upon these little treasures when walking in the streets. Besides, they make the streets occupied, a commendable anti-mug device. When they are gone, the streets are a horror to walk.

To top it off, this process of beautification pushed rents up, and many existing tenants are perturbed, as business are also dwindling, for customers that used to park next to the shops for a quick purchase can no longer do so as car access to the paved street is limited. A banner that says ‘No More Campbell Street in Little India’ is a testament of the local’s sentiments of non-approval of what has been done, or, despite what the negative outcome of what has been done, what repetitively would be done elsewhere.

Does ‘improvement’ means beautification? Would an ornate door handle work better than a plain one? Does development means quantity? Would many cars show development instead of a carefully crafted, efficient one? Is ‘development’ equal to grandeur? Is a thatched, indigenous, humble, traditional structure less ‘developed’ than a heavy, off-scaled, bulky, structure?

It has come to me that a ‘proper’ design, or even ‘design’, nowadays means exaggerated forms, flashy materials and quantity. To design is to make something ‘prim and proper’. By ‘prim and proper’ I mean, to have something put up standing. ‘Improvement’ is always gauged by materialistic means.

Let me demonstrate a point. In a brief calling for a ‘pasar malam’ venue, a designer would set up concrete, permanent structures as stalls, where the hawkers would do their business. An absence of anything structurally tangible would mean that the designer hasn’t ‘designed’ anything, thus the allocated commission is not well earned, not worth commissioning a professional architect in the first place.

Responding to a similar brief another designer would just indirectly set up the space as to conjure ‘place’, maybe through mounds suggest territoriality of each stalls (which are to be provided by hawkers themselves, as to promote ‘spontaneity’) and lots of elements that makes up a conducive tropical open-air environment like water features, mists and lush greenery.

But the latter designer, due to the absence of a certain physicality of ‘structure’, is to be deemed ‘not designing’. To find ways of cleaning the Segget, to devise ways that would ensure its perpetual cleanliness, or revamp the city so that it would not pollute the river is seen as ‘not designing’. Designing, it seems to me now, is to build a physical, concrete, mega structure that covers the whole of the unsightly Segget.

It is not to say though, that the architect should not build, for it is what is expected of the architect, it is the job of the architect. Just that, we should build accordingly. Where a ‘no-touch’ approach is desirable, or ‘don’t touch anymore’ approach is desirable, we should oblige accordingly.

If the making of the space has to be realized through concrete mega structures, so be it. If the making of the space requires an evocation of ‘place’, and not necessarily through structures, then likewise, so be it. The problem now is that for every problem the solution that we always took was to build big and bombastically. For instance, to solve traffic jams we build bypasses. To secure an area we build perimeter walls. To clean a dirty market we demolish it and build a new sparkling one.

Development should not be necessarily through state of the art, bulky, grand buildings, but the achievement of certain sophistication as to decide on ‘appropriate building’. On the improvement of quality, rather than an improvement in quantity, in size and shallow grandeur. The quaint, rather than the bombastic.

With warmest regards,
Khairil.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

poem: criminal diva

criminal diva

The way you sing in my ear-
woman, you suck(!)

blood.

I'll applaud you
till you die
and your gut spurts
my ill-gotten

blood.

prose: through the looking glass

i have given some thought of introducing, and describing myself.

but how do we view ourselves? can we be honest in describing ourselves? there are a lot of things that we hate about ourselves that some times we choose to see only what we want to see. and in every flaw, we'll try to paint a silver lining to it. well, at least i did.

sometimes i am confused of what i am with what i want to be. which is more important?
people say love yourself, never change. but what if the things you call your attributes are on the negative side? and, if attributes are subjective, for example, your looks, your social behaviour, your idiosyncracies, your pet peeves, do we really have to bother to change at all? what if what is negative and what is positive is also subjective? they say that some man's food is another man's poison.

how do we differentiate with what people expect of you with what you want? if your desire is to be respected and loved by the society, do you not have to conform to what is acceptable in society?

i would say that the way the society (or 'those people around you') views an individual is also a basis in which one views himself. besides, we need reassurances.

that is why we need mirrors.
have you tried combing your hair without a mirror?
it is not the mirror, however, that combs your hair. it is you. the mirror only serves to reflect you.

so i brushed aside the idea of introducing myself. let my mirrors do it.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

poem: how my pen ejaculates

i know, usually in every writing there should be a proloque.
i know, in my head i've been playing various ways to start the opening for this blog.
some maybe notions of what i hold as the basis of future discussions in this blog. but at the moment i lack time. but i still want progress.
this blog is preciouss.....

i start with a poem, then.
this poem is the opening to a book i used to scribble in.

how my pen ejaculates

my pen, the substitute for a quill,
vomits enormous nuances
in a universe of lexicons,
a lie is divine.

It has come to me that
the size of the handwriting
imitates the girth of the pen
or is it not the will of the author?

quivers to the heart
are not shot by the pompousness of appearance
it is by the delicacy of manner
child-like idiosyncracies that thaws prejudice

Who should resist?

Nibs that go through throats
are just as fatal
as scythes that severe heads.

Monday, June 14, 2004

prose: bandwagon

i jumped the bandwagon of carrie wannabes everywhere.

here's to a successful display of whatever it is i used to scribble on cinema tickets, old school books, tissues, dinner receipts, envelopes, binded B5's etc.

welcome to the tour.